im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
