I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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