the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
