i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
