my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
