What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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