I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
