I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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