is this the sara with the beer cane?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
