I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
