i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
