I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
