I heard we made out
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
