i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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