I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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