Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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