There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
