You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Mom said you looked used
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
