I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
