Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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