I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
