I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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