i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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