addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
