5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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