Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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