I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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