Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
