i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
