I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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