I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
