just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
