She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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