dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
