I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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