The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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