Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize