Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
