Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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