"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
