the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
