Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
