i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
