i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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