In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
