I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
