Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
