just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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