I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
