You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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