Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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