I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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