Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
