census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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