Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Two words: blizzard sex
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
