i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
