I can text with my tongue
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize