i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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