You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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