Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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