I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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