my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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