wakey wakey hands off snakey
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
