I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize