I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
