First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
